Don't Throw Your Shoes in the Ocean

There is a now-infamous story in our family that involves my oldest daughter and her 5 year love affair with scissors. She decided one day that her clothing was far too long sleeved for her taste. So she locked herself in the closet with a pair of scissors and proceeded to remove the sleeves from almost every article of clothing that she owned. Most of her pants were de-leeged in this tragic incident as well. I found her later that day sitting on the floor of her room surrounded by piles of shirts and mangled, hacked off sleeves. It was one of those moments as a parent when you unexpectedly happen upon something your child has done and you are completely dumbfounded by what has happened. You don't know whether to laugh or cry or take a picture or some combination of all three. In the end I think I excused myself from the room and I'm pretty sure a prayer for her life was involved. Money was very tight and I had no idea how I was going to replace all of those clothes.

In fact, I know for certain that prayer was involved because there is no way that I am clever enough on my own to come up with what happened next.

I calmly went back into my daughter's room, sat on the bed, and explained that clothing was expensive, and that we needed to take care of our belongings and that she was banned from using any kind of sharp implements ever again. I then gathered up every peice of clothing that she owned. There were only a few outfits left that had not been sliced and diced. I then explained that in order for her to understand the value of what she had just destroyed, she would have to do jobs to earn money that she could then use to buy back the remaining unscathed clothes. Each job would earn her 50 cents, and each outfit could be purchased for $1.00.

At first she refused, and pouted, and fussed, and wore the same stinky clothes for about 3 days. Then she finally relented and began the long slow process of earning back her clothes. She was only 7, so many of the finer points were lost on her I'm sure. But I find myself thinking of this lesson a lot in relation to other things.

Recently we took a family trip to the beach. The sand was covered with seaweed that was about a foot deep and you had to cross a 15 feet swath of the stuff before you could even get to the water. Clearly we came at the wrong time of year. But even more troubling was that the seaweed was imbedded with all kinds of junk. Shoes, cans, bed frames (yep), plastic bags, sunglasses, reading glasses, bottles, and all kinds of other junk that had been carelessly tossed in to the ocean.

One of the first commandments given was for Adam and Eve to take care of the garden. I believe that commandment is still in effect. It troubles me to see kids tossing wrappers on the ground and their parents standing idly by. Or to see random objects fly out of the back of pick up beds as they speed down the highway.

We live in a throw away society. One in which products are actually manufactured with the intention to break in about 6 months so that they will have to be replaced. I hope that I am teaching my kids to take care of the stuff they do have, and not to want a bunch of stuff in the first place.

A favorite saying of mine is "Use it up, wear it out. Make it do, or do without." I know it doesn't come from the Bible, but as a parent, it has helped me to guide my kids to have respect for the things we have and to make them last as long as we can. Of course, kidmentia sets in pretty often and we have to remind them over and over and over and over.... but I think it's worth it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean 10 tons of trash out of the sofa cushions.

The Parable of the Unfolded Stockings

We always have a laundry mountain. But as Hillary Weeks sings, "Climb every mountain..."

So I was doing just that one morning, when one of my 3-yr-olds came in and asked if she was allowed to help. Um.... YES! I'm hoping this will be a positive experience so when she's 16 and really can help, she'll still want to. Wishful thinking, yes, I know. Anyway, I gave her some stockings to "fold".

So this is what happened: She spent about 5 minutes trying to get the legs to line-up perfectly, and got so frustrated that she started whining, crying, and finally left, completely distraught that she wasn't able to perfectly fold the stockings like I had asked her to. She didn't even think to ask me for help. It was so sad to me to watch this happen, because seriously, do I need stockings folded? No. Do I waste my time folding stockings so they can be ripped apart as my kids go through the sock drawer 50 times a day? No.

What she didn't realize was that what I had asked her to do and what I wanted to happen were two very different things.

1. I wanted to spend some quality time together.

2. I wanted her to feel useful and needed.

3. I wanted her to feel good working, so that she would begin to realize the satisfaction and even fun that can come from work (which I am still learning, by the way).

It struck me that this is very likely what Our Father does with us. He asks a lot of us sometimes. Does this sounds familiar?

"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:48

A commandment? Yes. An expectation based on our current capacity? I don't think so. Here's a useful definition of "perfect".

Father doesn't always ask us to do things based on our ability, His expectation, or even what He wants the end result to be right now. I think He's just hoping we'll learn something in the process, and most importantly, that we'll ask Him for help.

Who will remind His children that He loves them?

I have a love-hate relationship with that story about my sister almost dying. I love that she was able to face death so calmly. I love that her husband could give her a blessing that she would be spared. I love that a visiting teacher followed a prompting that led her to save my sister and her three sweet girls.

I hate it for probably very obvious reasons. Not the least of which is that I had no idea all of this was going on and I was completely helpless to do anything about it. I have always hated that we are separated by so much distance and that all I can do from way over here is pray and call her when we can catch each other between temper tantrums and Pokemon battles (the kids have those too).

...but her post got me thinking in terms of our main topic, and I thought I would share some of the things I've been thinking about this last week.

The first thing that popped into my mind after reading her post was this Primary song:

He Sent His Son

How could the Father tell the world of love and tenderness?
He sent his son, a newborn babe, with peace and holiness.
How could the Father show the world the pathway we should go?
He sent his son to walk with man on Earth that we may know.

How could the Father tell the world of sacrifice, of death?
He sent his Son to die for us, and rise with living breath.

What does the Father ask of us? What do the scriptures say?
Have faith, have hope, live like his Son, Help others on their way.
What does he ask?
Live like his Son.

(lyrics by Mabel Jones Gabbot)

The song got me thinking about Easter and of all the things that God does to remind us, His children, how much he loves us. He loves us so much that he gave his only begotten Son as a sinless sacrifice so that we could all be together one day.

Here are some of the other things I notice that my perfect parent does for me that remind me how much he loves each of his children.

He gave us this beautiful world to enjoy and to take care of; to help us learn to love and appreciate other beings; yes, even spiders. And to learn how to care for what we've been given and to wonder at his miraculous power and think about what heaven will be like if it's even more glorious than this amazing and gorgeous earth.

He gave us his words, that we might study and learn not only who he is, but who we are.

He gave us mortal bodies that we might learn sickness and health, joy and pain.

He gives us trials and tests to refine and beautify our spirits

He gave us families to teach us about our shortcomings and strengths and to help each other stand together, to lift and strengthen, to laugh and cry with, to learn to love as he loves us.

The list goes on and is as infinite as he is.

We could never possibly hope to give our own children even a small measure of what he's given us. But we can give our children this amazing and miraculous gift: "To know (him), the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom (he) hast sent." (John 17:3)

There is almost no way in which we can show our children more love than to help them to know God and Jesus Christ. If we can do nothing else to try and be a perfect parent, we must strive with all our might to make sure that they know on whom we rely for our strength and comfort. If we can show them this one thing, then the chances are that much greater that they will, in turn, learn to rely on them too. What greater gift can we give our children on earth than to let them know that they have TWO sets of parents who love them?

What else are you doing to let your children know that you love them?

Who Will Remind My Children That I Love Them?

"Death comes unexpectedly!"

-the preacher from the Disney movie, Pollyanna

My sister and I love to find humor in horrible situations. Actually, she's really good at it, and I just kind-of play along. I'm not that humorous, but I love to laugh uncontrollably when she's on a roll.

Occasionally a situation will arise in one of our lives that will prompt a two-month-long conversation about death and how we'd deal with it if it were to come... "unexpectedly"...

...like the time that my sister's doctor thought he found a tumor and she joked about how awesome it would be to be able to visit me anytime she wanted. She could spy on me like I used to do to her when she was a teenager and I thought if I waited long enough she would do something really embarrassing in front of the mirror. Plus, she would be able to get out of all kinds of undesirable situations... like root canals. "What, doctor? I need a root canal? Who cares-- I've got cancer!" Or, "Sorry, I can't help you move. I've got cancer." Or, "Sorry, honey, I can't help you with your Algebra homework. I'm feeling too cancer-y."

...or the time that I almost died from carbon monoxide poisoning and we realized that all of the excruciating effort that went into my (then) vegan diet was absolutely zero help in preventing my premature death.

But seriously, I really did almost die from carbon monoxide. About a year earlier, I wrote in my journal, "I don't know why, but I have a feeling that I'm going to die young..." And the night before it happened, I found out that my husband had the same feeling, but we had never really talked about it before. Well, that night we did talk about it. We made all the plans, talked about what I would want, and how it all would work. Needless to say, emotions were strong, and although there was longing to stay, I felt completely at peace. I really only had one desperate feeling in contemplating a death that would result in leaving my husband with three sweet girls, three years and under.

"Who will remind my children that I love them?"

I begged my husband, feeling that my heart might burst, to tell them as often as possible how much I love them. I wanted him to tell them that I was watching over them, and that I would be right by their side when things were tough.

As I look back on this night, I am struck by the tenderness of a loving Parent, who probably feels the same way about us.

He knew we had to come here. We had to learn to choose. We had to learn to have faith. We had to learn to trust Him, though we can't see Him.

But who will remind His children that He loves them? I can only imagine that that must be one of His deepest desires.

To make a very long story short, my husband gave me a priesthood blessing that night that said I would be spared. He left in the morning for a business trip, and the next day, my 3 little girls and I were miraculously saved by my Visiting Teacher who just happened to be a Registered Nurse, and just happened to hear that we were sick. She dropped-by to bring us dinner, and ended-up rushing us to the hospital.

I am so grateful that I had that experience; that I was allowed a little insight into the tender feelings of a Perfect Parent for His children.

How this blog was born

My Sister and I have 12 children between us.

(this space is for your gasp)

They range in age from 16 years to 6 months.

(this is where you will shake your head and say "oh my goodness")

We are very close; but we live, like, 5 states away. And (in case you have no children) traveling through 5 states with 6 children is no picnic- I don't care if you're in a car, on an airplane, or flying a rocket designed by Chuck E. Cheeze. So, we don't get to see each other all that often. But we rely on each other for our very sanity. We are each other's heroes.

Even though our kids are mostly girls (9 of them actually), we have experienced the gamut of parenting issues. We often call each other to ask for advice, to complain, to share funny stories and just generally to convince each other that we are not horrible parents.

Once my sister sent me an article about a particular parenting tactic and declared it the best article she has ever read about parenting. After reading it, I thought it was actually one of the worst pieces of popular tripe I had ever read. So I read it again. I saw some value in it. After talking to her though, I realized that our perspectives at the moment we separately read the article were completely different. Things can be interpreted so differently in this way that it is almost impossible to come to a consensus about what is right. Not to mention the fact that- (and this was one of the greatest surprises to me as a parent) even given the exact same genetic history within a family and the same basic parenting style; our children are starkly different. Not only that, but they are born with their own individual personality traits, (even in sets of twins) and therefore their needs are SO DIFFERENT!

Last year, I was asked to teach the gospel doctrine class in my church congregation. My sister and her husband were also the gospel doctrine teachers in their congregation. As a worldwide church, we study the same curriculum at the same time. So it happened that my sister and I were both teaching the same lessons from the Old Testament at the same time. We would often talk about our lessons and give each other help and insight. It was as we were studying these scriptures that it occurred to me: God is a perfect parent.

I was reviewing the history of the children of Israel and their wanderings in the desert and realized that Jehovah was trying to teach them some lessons that they were very slow to learn. As I reviewed the experiences that they were having, I was blessed to see some of these very basic lessons that God was trying to teach, and I saw how easily they could be applied to my own family. I had found in the scriptures an infallible parenting manual to which I could turn for everything from settling disputes between my children to understanding the meaning of fairness. As I talked with my sister about this revelation, we agreed that someone should write a book about that. Someone should call the book: "God is a Perfect Parent". (Usually when my sister says someone, she means me).

Months went by and no one wrote. (And by no one, I mean me) But the idea continued to kick around in my brain and I made notes from time to time.

A few weeks ago,we listened to a conference with talks by many of our church leaders. Among the talks was one centered on good parenting. It contained this phrase:

"The most important way to teach to be is to be the kind of parents to our children that our Father in Heaven is to us. He is the one perfect parent, and he has shared with us His parenting manual- the scriptures." -Lynn G. Robbins

Now, my sister and I were not in the same room, but somehow we turned and looked at each other with wide eyes across 5 states and gasped; and we knew what we had to do. (Actually it happened in a phone call a little later, but you get what I mean)

I have no delusions that I will ever become a perfect parent. I have no doubt that despite my best efforts, many things will go wrong. I can only hope that when things do go wrong, they will at least be funny in retrospect. I do know from experience, however, that when we turn to the Lord with our questions and challenges, He provides guidance and direction. I hope to be able to share some of my experiences publicly so that other parents will have a less difficult time. I hope to put some light and truth out there so that others who are honestly searching for truthful answers will be able to find them here.

So invite your friends, your relatives, your tired huddled parents longing to breathe free, and let's laugh and learn together. God knows us. And He knows what we need.