Who Will Remind My Children That I Love Them?

"Death comes unexpectedly!"

-the preacher from the Disney movie, Pollyanna

My sister and I love to find humor in horrible situations. Actually, she's really good at it, and I just kind-of play along. I'm not that humorous, but I love to laugh uncontrollably when she's on a roll.

Occasionally a situation will arise in one of our lives that will prompt a two-month-long conversation about death and how we'd deal with it if it were to come... "unexpectedly"...

...like the time that my sister's doctor thought he found a tumor and she joked about how awesome it would be to be able to visit me anytime she wanted. She could spy on me like I used to do to her when she was a teenager and I thought if I waited long enough she would do something really embarrassing in front of the mirror. Plus, she would be able to get out of all kinds of undesirable situations... like root canals. "What, doctor? I need a root canal? Who cares-- I've got cancer!" Or, "Sorry, I can't help you move. I've got cancer." Or, "Sorry, honey, I can't help you with your Algebra homework. I'm feeling too cancer-y."

...or the time that I almost died from carbon monoxide poisoning and we realized that all of the excruciating effort that went into my (then) vegan diet was absolutely zero help in preventing my premature death.

But seriously, I really did almost die from carbon monoxide. About a year earlier, I wrote in my journal, "I don't know why, but I have a feeling that I'm going to die young..." And the night before it happened, I found out that my husband had the same feeling, but we had never really talked about it before. Well, that night we did talk about it. We made all the plans, talked about what I would want, and how it all would work. Needless to say, emotions were strong, and although there was longing to stay, I felt completely at peace. I really only had one desperate feeling in contemplating a death that would result in leaving my husband with three sweet girls, three years and under.

"Who will remind my children that I love them?"

I begged my husband, feeling that my heart might burst, to tell them as often as possible how much I love them. I wanted him to tell them that I was watching over them, and that I would be right by their side when things were tough.

As I look back on this night, I am struck by the tenderness of a loving Parent, who probably feels the same way about us.

He knew we had to come here. We had to learn to choose. We had to learn to have faith. We had to learn to trust Him, though we can't see Him.

But who will remind His children that He loves them? I can only imagine that that must be one of His deepest desires.

To make a very long story short, my husband gave me a priesthood blessing that night that said I would be spared. He left in the morning for a business trip, and the next day, my 3 little girls and I were miraculously saved by my Visiting Teacher who just happened to be a Registered Nurse, and just happened to hear that we were sick. She dropped-by to bring us dinner, and ended-up rushing us to the hospital.

I am so grateful that I had that experience; that I was allowed a little insight into the tender feelings of a Perfect Parent for His children.

How this blog was born

My Sister and I have 12 children between us.

(this space is for your gasp)

They range in age from 16 years to 6 months.

(this is where you will shake your head and say "oh my goodness")

We are very close; but we live, like, 5 states away. And (in case you have no children) traveling through 5 states with 6 children is no picnic- I don't care if you're in a car, on an airplane, or flying a rocket designed by Chuck E. Cheeze. So, we don't get to see each other all that often. But we rely on each other for our very sanity. We are each other's heroes.

Even though our kids are mostly girls (9 of them actually), we have experienced the gamut of parenting issues. We often call each other to ask for advice, to complain, to share funny stories and just generally to convince each other that we are not horrible parents.

Once my sister sent me an article about a particular parenting tactic and declared it the best article she has ever read about parenting. After reading it, I thought it was actually one of the worst pieces of popular tripe I had ever read. So I read it again. I saw some value in it. After talking to her though, I realized that our perspectives at the moment we separately read the article were completely different. Things can be interpreted so differently in this way that it is almost impossible to come to a consensus about what is right. Not to mention the fact that- (and this was one of the greatest surprises to me as a parent) even given the exact same genetic history within a family and the same basic parenting style; our children are starkly different. Not only that, but they are born with their own individual personality traits, (even in sets of twins) and therefore their needs are SO DIFFERENT!

Last year, I was asked to teach the gospel doctrine class in my church congregation. My sister and her husband were also the gospel doctrine teachers in their congregation. As a worldwide church, we study the same curriculum at the same time. So it happened that my sister and I were both teaching the same lessons from the Old Testament at the same time. We would often talk about our lessons and give each other help and insight. It was as we were studying these scriptures that it occurred to me: God is a perfect parent.

I was reviewing the history of the children of Israel and their wanderings in the desert and realized that Jehovah was trying to teach them some lessons that they were very slow to learn. As I reviewed the experiences that they were having, I was blessed to see some of these very basic lessons that God was trying to teach, and I saw how easily they could be applied to my own family. I had found in the scriptures an infallible parenting manual to which I could turn for everything from settling disputes between my children to understanding the meaning of fairness. As I talked with my sister about this revelation, we agreed that someone should write a book about that. Someone should call the book: "God is a Perfect Parent". (Usually when my sister says someone, she means me).

Months went by and no one wrote. (And by no one, I mean me) But the idea continued to kick around in my brain and I made notes from time to time.

A few weeks ago,we listened to a conference with talks by many of our church leaders. Among the talks was one centered on good parenting. It contained this phrase:

"The most important way to teach to be is to be the kind of parents to our children that our Father in Heaven is to us. He is the one perfect parent, and he has shared with us His parenting manual- the scriptures." -Lynn G. Robbins

Now, my sister and I were not in the same room, but somehow we turned and looked at each other with wide eyes across 5 states and gasped; and we knew what we had to do. (Actually it happened in a phone call a little later, but you get what I mean)

I have no delusions that I will ever become a perfect parent. I have no doubt that despite my best efforts, many things will go wrong. I can only hope that when things do go wrong, they will at least be funny in retrospect. I do know from experience, however, that when we turn to the Lord with our questions and challenges, He provides guidance and direction. I hope to be able to share some of my experiences publicly so that other parents will have a less difficult time. I hope to put some light and truth out there so that others who are honestly searching for truthful answers will be able to find them here.

So invite your friends, your relatives, your tired huddled parents longing to breathe free, and let's laugh and learn together. God knows us. And He knows what we need.